June is the month that we officially honor the LGBTQ community, however modern times have allowed us to carry that over into a year-long celebration of respect, understanding and love.
I met my first gay friend (at least that I was aware of) while working at Tower Records in the 1980s. David was a fun-loving, outgoing, beautiful young man of Hispanic heritage with the biggest, brightest smile you could imagine. He was roommates with another Tower employee named Paul, who was also gay. My world was expanding with new and wonderful friends! Over my fifteen years with the company I met and made great friends with many gay men. They enriched my life and opened my eyes, welcoming me into their beautiful world with humor, beauty, love and grace.
By far, my closest gay friend was Arlo who was an absolute joy of a human being. We met when he transferred to the Tower I worked at from another location. From the moment of his arrival our entire world shifted. He was gregarious, funny, flirtatious and loud. He had the most distinctive laugh that could be heard throughout the entire store-“HA!” We became fast friends and he shared with me his love of 1950s clothes and style, his vast musical knowledge and his precise method for making the perfect gin martini.
Sadly, David, Paul and Arlo are all dead now as are many of the other beautiful men I met either at Tower or by being introduced to them through these men. However, I am still friends with several of those men and I cherish our friendships.
When writing my novels, I knew that I wanted to honor these men who had given me so much. In my second book in the trilogy I placed several characters in San Francisco in the 1980s, during the early days of the AIDS struggle. Asher and James quickly came to life and as they navigated a world that was both opening up and crumbling around them their lives began to intertwine with already established characters from the first book. One of those characters was a young boy named Toby who had endured a hard childhood before returning to San Francisco with his mother in the late 1970s. Toby’s father had been killed in Vietnam when he was just a toddler and when his mother joined a Christian commune and took him to New Mexico he was abused by the man that his mother thought was his protector. Returning to the city brought Toby and his mother, Maura, into contact with old friends from their past and eventually new friends that included Asher and James. Taking Toby under their wings, the couple cultivated his caring and sensitive personality and he joined them in helping the struggling AIDS community. During this time Toby himself realizes that he is gay, although he fights against it for some time before accepting himself. By the third and final book, he becomes a nurse and moves down south to Laguna Beach and is soon followed by Asher and James.
I have many fond memories of the Laguna Beach gay community during the 1980s and 1990s. Placing Toby, Asher and James there and being able to insert them into some of my own experiences like the parties at the Coast Inn was a lot of fun. I also got extra help and input from my dear friend, James, who lived in Laguna Beach during that time.
In writing about these men I hoped to show the beauty and love in their world as well as highlight the struggles that were (and sadly still are taking place to some degree) going on at the time. It is my way to honor those friends that have passed on: David, Paul, Arlo, Pip, Bobby, Chuck and Sean, and those that are still sharing their beautiful lives with me: James and Nat, Fhil, Johnny and Marc, Bob, Gregory and Blade. May you shine on!
EXCERPT ONE from “Red, White & Blues: Book Two”:
In mid-September of 1985, President Reagan had mentioned AIDS for the first time in a response to a reporter; in February of 1986, he vowed to make the epidemic a priority. Still, many gay men were continuing to trek off to Paris for the experimental HPA-23 treatments, desperate for a cure. Others were traveling to Mexico for Ribavirin and Isoprinosine, two anti-viral medications that were being experimented with in the United States, but unavailable and a black market had developed in the city, making the pills ten times more expensive. Now a new treatment was being tested (AZT) in clinical trials and hope for a real cure surged through the community.
Asher and James decide to put together a celebration of hope, something to direct people’s attention toward positivity and away from the death and fear that have been constant shadows in the city for far too long. After all, there are things to celebrate despite all of the hopelessness and sorrow. The community has grown stronger than ever and due to safe sex education, transmission of the disease has finally decreased. Sadly, however, nearly a thousand young men have died in San Francisco alone and with the average incubation period believed to be upwards of five years, many more were sure to follow.
With a generous donation from Louise and Avery, the boys rent a large hotel lobby for the event and begin getting the word out via the community’s many channels. Some of their activist friends suggest making it a fundraiser, but Asher is adamant-he wants this to be simply a celebration, a fun evening of music, dancing, food, drink and camaraderie.
Plenty of people step up to donate their talents and time to help get the event off the ground. Despite all of the excitement, James’ priority is still making sure that the patients are getting what they need, including meals, help shopping, cooking, dog walking and transportation to doctor appointments. Toby is a great help with these things as he always has been and this leaves Asher free to promote the event as widely as he can.
The day before, a huge group of volunteers arrives at the hotel to decorate, blow up balloons and prepare any food that can be made ahead of time. Asher stops in to check on the progress and is overwhelmed with the number of people helping out. He immediately finds James to hear the details.
“Hi, honey,” James says, kissing him. “Isn’t this amazing?”
“Yes. Who are all of these people and where did you find them?”
James spreads his arms out. “Everywhere. More and more of them just kept showing up asking what they could do.”
Asher looks over the group. Most of them are friends, but there are some that he definitely doesn’t recognize. His face grows worried.
“What?” James asks.
“How many people are going to show up tomorrow? What if there isn’t enough food…”
“Don’t worry about it! Everything will be fine!”
Philly, who has grown light-headed from blowing up so many balloons, takes a seat nearby.
“What’s he worried about now?” he asks James.
“Too many people showing up.”
“That’s not a problem, honey! That’s a good thing!”
“See?” James says. “Now go on home. I’ll be there soon!”
Asher does as he is told. He has slowly been getting back to his studying and has plenty of reading to catch up on.
The following evening, everything runs like clockwork. The lobby is filled to capacity with mostly gay men, but their “sisters in arms”-the lesbians-have been showing support for them in growing numbers and many are here tonight.
A DJ is spinning records and music fills the air as volunteer waiters pass around trays of hors d’oeuvres. Maura, Dan and Toby, along with Louise and Avery are sitting down at a table together. Not being involved in the community and seeing so many men visibly suffering from the disease is sobering for Avery. There are many men here tonight who are rail thin and pale, the purple blotches of Kaposi’s sarcoma mark their faces and bodies. He is still not comfortable being around them, not only because they are gay, but because he is afraid of AIDS. Dan, too, is unaccustomed to being around so many gay men, but he instantly admires their fun and happy enthusiasm while feeling incredibly sad for the sick ones.
“Hey, girl,” Philly says to Louise, dancing over to their table. He kisses her cheek. “You look beautiful! All of you do-even you Avery!”
Avery laughs and Louise takes his hand.
“Maybe you’ll dance with me later,” Philly teases him. “You might even like it!”
They watch as he dances away and joins the others who are moving to the sounds of the Bronski Beat’s seminal hit “Smalltown Boy”.
James is circulating the room, making sure everyone has food and a drink while Asher sits biting his thumbnail and worrying.
“Would you stop it?” James scolds him. “This is supposed to be fun, remember?”
“I know.”
“Dance with me. Come on!”
In the hotel kitchen, vats of spaghetti and meatballs are bubbling, garlic bread is toasting in the oven, salads are being dressed and cupcakes frosted. The all-volunteer cooks are having a blast dancing to their own boom box as they begin dishing up the food. Plates begin making their way out to the tables and Asher watches nervously. He doesn’t know why he is so concerned except that he wants this night to be perfect without any hitches or disappointments. He goes up to the D.J. and asks him to stop the music, much to everyone’s dismay.
“Sorry,” Asher says into the microphone. “I won’t take long.”
James rushes to his side.
“First of all, let me say welcome! We have all been fighting so hard-first for our rights and now our very survival. So many of us are not here tonight, dead from a disease that no one wants to hear about. Why should they care about a disease that kills gay men?”
James puts his arm around Asher’s shoulders.
“But we pushed and will keep on pushing until there is a cure! We will fight to end discrimination against those with ARC, fight for new definitions and diagnoses so that treatment can be available to everyone that needs it. We will fight for funding for aggressive studies and new treatments. For answers! We will fight LaRouche and Jerry Falwell and everyone else that wants to tell us that we do not have a right to live.”
The crowd is cheering; James is getting misty-eyed.
“But tonight, we stop fighting, just for one night. Tonight, we enjoy ourselves, forget about sickness and death, panic, uncertainty and hate. I remember when Harvey was assassinated. I remember the pain, the anger, the candlelight march down to city hall. Many of you were there, just as I was. Harvey fought for us and I know that he would have been very proud of you all. I look around this room and I see a group of people that refuse to give up, refuse to step back into the closet, just as he asked us not to. James and I have been so lucky to be a part of this community. So lucky to be with all of you here tonight. We love you all and thank you for your support!”
Asher waits for the applause and yelling to die down before ending his speech.
“One last thing: I want to acknowledge and thank Louise and Avery Booth for putting up the money to rent this place for the evening; Maura and Louise for the selfless support and kindness that they have shown our community from the very beginning and Toby, Maura’s son, who has sacrificed so much of his teenage years to help us get food to you, visit patients and help in any way he can. He’s going to make one hell of nurse!”
Asher begins clapping heartily and James, along with everyone else, joins him. As Asher steps away from the mike, James takes it.
“Everyone, please enjoy yourselves! Food is coming out of the kitchen thanks to our awesome volunteers. Please take a few minutes to eat and relax. And don’t forget to pick up the pamphlets and other info that we have by the door. There’s also free condoms, so please be safe! I know that safe sex seems like a step backwards, but it’s how we’re gonna save each other now. Thanks for coming out everyone and enjoy!” He then turns to Asher. “Come on, sweetie! Let’s eat!”
Finally, Asher begins to relax and enjoy himself. The sight of everyone dancing and laughing, hugging and kissing one another, especially the sick ones, is everything that he wanted this evening to be.
“This is really good,” James says, twirling spaghetti onto his fork.
Asher smiles. It is strange. James has been the one so distressed with genuine concern and worry over the community, but as soon as Asher expresses worry, James always changes his demeanor and becomes carefree. He probably doesn’t even know that he does it, but Asher is grateful. He takes James’ free hand and brings it to his mouth, kissing it.
“Thanks,” he says.
“For what?”
“For being you. For loving me.”
“Aww! How could I not?” James leans over and kisses Asher on the lips. “I do love you!”
“I love you, too.”
At close to midnight, Louise, Avery, Maura and Dan leave. Toby wants to stay behind to help clean up, so once again, Maura leaves him in the care of Asher and James.
“Everything turned out perfectly,” Toby tells them.
“It did, didn’t it?” Asher marvels.
Toby watches the thinning crowd on the dance floor. He doesn’t know why he likes being around these men so much. He knows that his mother wonders if he is gay and the truth is that he doesn’t know. He does think some of them are attractive. They’re certainly nice and fun and most have a great sense of humor and style. He cannot deny that he has fantasized about being with one or two of them, but he has also done the same about some of the girls that he knows at school.
At the end of the evening, many people stay to clean up and secure the leftover food which they will take out tomorrow to the patients that couldn’t make it to the party. Asher pulls his car up front and the food is loaded in. James and Toby say goodbye to everyone and jump in as well, waving to a group of men standing outside.
“That was so fun!” James says. “It was great to see everyone, especially the sick ones like Joey, Luke, Brian, Bobby…” His voice trails off and he sighs, knowing that none of them have long to live. “We gave them a good night.”
“Yes we did.”
They drop Toby off at home. Their apartment is quiet; even Freud gives them a silent meow as they enter. The answering machine is flashing. James walks past it and gets a drink of water and then he and Asher go straight to bed. They lie in each other’s arms knowing that in the morning, everything will start all over again, but for the next few hours there is peace.
EXCERPT TWO from “Red, White & Blues: Book Three”:
Toby Weston is standing at the kitchen window of his cozy studio apartment in Woods Cove in Laguna Beach. From his kitchen sink window, he can see Catalina Island, seagulls, early morning surfers drifting on the waves. A footpath next to his landlord’s house leads down to the sand and he heads down to look at the tide pools to start his day.
A few streets away, Asher and James are preparing for their day. After Toby moved to Laguna Beach in 1990, they had done the same the following year. The village-like artist town with a vibrant gay community easily won their hearts. Asher had completed his schooling and was a successful psychologist with a downtown office; James was an event planner and worked with a high-end, partly gay-owned Laguna Beach company called Delightful Diversions. Moving away from San Francisco had been the absolute right thing to do-they were thriving as was Toby, who worked as a nurse in nearby Laguna Hills.
Friday night and the start of another wild and fun weekend. Toby leaves the hospital and heads home down Laguna Canyon Road. It is 6:00 when he reaches his apartment. The answering machine flashes red. He listens to his messages; friends want to meet at the Boom for dancing, others want to go to the beach on Sunday. Toby is popular, comfortable. Between work, socializing and volunteering with Shanti, the nonprofit AIDS center, he is never idle.
Tonight, he is looking forward to going out, mostly because of a new boy who has recently moved to Laguna named Luke Quinn. Toby had first met him two weeks ago at the Laguna Pride Weekend where they had spent much of the three-day event together playing volleyball, swimming, dancing, and having passionate sex.
When Toby arrives at the Boom Boom Room, his friends cheer. Loud disco music plays, the bartender is pouring liberal shots and snapping the tops off of beer bottles. It is crowded with young men trolling the room for easy hook-ups.
“Toby! Happy Friday!” Mark smacks him on the back as Paddy passes over a shot from the bar.
“Compliments of the house!” Ted, the bartender calls. “Don’t tell!”
As Toby knocks back the alcohol, he can see that his usual posse is in attendance. In addition to himself, Mark and Paddy, friends Brad, Greg and Willie round out the group of six. In fact, they refer to themselves as the Six-Pack. Toby is only half-listening to them as he scans the room. He is hoping to spot Luke amongst the throng.
“Hey! Are you going or what?”
Toby turns, roused from his search by Willie’s hand on his forearm. “Going where?”
“To Stu’s summer kick-off party next Saturday!”
“What’s the theme this year?”
“Hats. Didn’t you get the invite? Same two rooms at the Coast Inn as always. And if you don’t have a hat, one will be provided.”
“I’ll be there,” Toby says, his eyes watching the door. He had told Luke that he would be at the Boom tonight.
Greg is Toby’s closest friend of the five. He saunters up to Toby’s side, beer in hand. “You really like that guy, don’t you,” he says.
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Aww! Don’t let him break your heart.”
Before Toby can respond, he sees Luke enter the dark bar. He stands a moment while his eyes adjust, then spots Toby. He puts up his hand in a little wave; Toby’s heart jumps.
“Luke! Hi!” Toby hugs him. “Come over and have a beer.”
The following Saturday, Toby is getting ready for Stu’s annual party. Always with a different theme, this year it was hats. Last year it had been masks. The party was held at the Coast Inn where Stu rented out two rooms, but the majority of the fun took place on the large balcony with the beach just below.
This year the party is extra special for Toby as it coincides with his twenty-eighth birthday and he is bringing Luke as his official date. While settling into a one-man relationship was unknown territory for most of the boys, Toby had the influence of Asher and James who have now been together for seventeen years. He had always admired the couple and wanted to have the kind of relationship that they had but being so young and then moving away from his mother’s watchful eye, he dove headlong into the pleasure-fueled lifestyle of a single gay man in Laguna Beach. With beautiful new flesh at every turn, there was always something more inviting just on the horizon. Now with his thirtieth birthday looming, he is beginning to reconsider his life’s path.
Luke Quinn is twenty-five. He works at Tower Records in El Toro, which is very close to the hospital where Toby works. Shopping at the large music and video store was a frequent activity of Toby’s, but now the place took on a new excitement. Last week, he and Luke had met for lunch at El Torito where they had fallen victim to too many Cadillac margaritas and uncontrollable laughter.
Luke arrives at Toby’s apartment wearing a cowboy hat, Bermuda shorts, flip-flops and a Smiths t-shirt. Not finding a hat he is happy with, Toby decides to wing it and pick one up at the party. He is given a miniature plastic top hat with an elastic chin strap that he balances atop his blond curls.
The gang is all there. Toby catches Willie ducking out from one of the bedrooms, his face flushed. He flashes a grin as he slinks by.
“Here you go, boys! Slurp up!”
Toby and Luke are handed Jell-O shots from a tray. They suck the brightly colored goo from paper cups while the bearer of the treats sashays through the crowd dressed in a white nurse’s uniform, high heels and false eyelashes.
“Does he know you’re a real nurse?”
“Yeah,” Toby answers. He is entranced by the sight of Luke’s tongue trying to reach the last bits of Jell-O from the cup.
Several friends are curious about Toby’s date. Being new to Laguna, Luke is fresh meat on the market. Toby knows this and is instinctively possessive of his new friend. After a few more of Nurse Jell-O’s prescribed shots, he leads Luke down to the street level and they walk to the beach.
“You can hear the party up there,” Luke says.
“Do you want to go back?”
“No, it’s beautiful down here. And the water with the moonlight…”
Spontaneously, Toby grabs Luke’s hand and pulls him near, kissing him on the mouth. Luke grabs a handful of Toby’s ass, pressing him closer.
The large rocks along the shore were convenient and popular places for a quick sexual rendezvous. As they pass a group of three tall boulders, Toby leads Luke behind them. Shorts and t-shirts fall onto the sand; Toby sinks down and takes Luke into his mouth. He comes quickly and then reciprocates before they decide to skip the rest of the party and head back to Toby’s studio.
Through the open windows, the loud but soothing sound of the waves below lulls them into periods of sleep between sex acts.
“Where do your parents live?” Luke asks, turning over onto his back.
“My mom lives in San Francisco. My dad died when I was about two.”
“I’m sorry, I…”
“It’s okay. I didn’t even know him. He was killed in the war-Vietnam.” Toby runs a hand over Luke’s hair. “What about your parents?”
“Oh, they’re very much alive,” Luke says.
He tells Toby about growing up in a small town in Indiana. After many years of denial, Luke decided to come out to his mother. He had hoped for a kind and understanding ear; instead he received shock, disgust and then blame. She blamed herself first, before deciding that it was Luke’s lack of a proper religious upbringing. His father agreed and they set up a meeting with the local pastor to get Luke “straight”. Soon his mother’s friends were let in on the “problem”, which led to gossip and word spreading through his high school like wildfire. Mercilessly teased and harassed, Luke began to hate himself, to wonder if there was something wrong with him, if he could be “fixed”. He withdrew and contemplated suicide before a brave friend intervened.
From then on, Luke knew that he would have to leave Indiana. He applied for and was accepted to Georgia State University to study sociology. Atlanta was a gay friendly city and Luke made many friends but longed to go out west. After two years, he dropped out and hit the road, ending up in Portland first, then Orange County where he had hoped to continue his education at UCI.
Toby has heard similar stories from many of his friends. As much as he imagined that his own struggle had been difficult, he quickly realized that he’d had it pretty good. By ending up in San Francisco as a child and having the good fortune of being coincidentally engulfed in the gay community through his mother’s involvement, Toby was more than fortunate. He couldn’t wait to introduce Luke to Asher and James.
lvsage 